A few years later, Paul appeared on Love In Action's doorstep. He'd left his wife, moved to San Francisco and plunged into a gay lifestyle. Now he was desiring to rededicate his life to Christ.
An aggressive, outspoken and highly intense person, Paul wholeheartedly gave himself to whatever cause he was pursuing. During his time with Love In Action and Church of the Open Door (San Rafael, CA), Paul immersed himself in ministry and made deep impressions on all who knew him.
But when his desires to go back to his old lifestyle would overcome him, he would disappear. Two or three times, he came back to the Lord for a brief period.
In 1984, Paul visited our director, Frank Worthen, at a time when he was thinking of returning to the Lord. Frank shared with Paul long into the night, warning him about this "new" disease striking homosexual men.
Paul went home, promising to consider what Frank had said. The next day, he called Frank to tell him of his decision: He was going to stay in his homosexual lifestyle.
About two months before his death on July 15, 1985, Paul made his final return to the Lord. Although he was physically diminished from a half-year's battle with Kaposi's Sarcoma, and other infections, God used Paul in some exciting ways. Right before he was hospitalized for the last time, Paul wrote a small paper on AIDS and brought it to the LIA office. While he was in the hospital, one of our staff typed up his paper on AIDS and made copies.
Our director's wife, Anita, brought them to Paul, and he enjoyed handing them out from his hospital bed. What follows is a copy of Paul's paper on AIDS...
"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favour lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).
AIDS has become the world's number one health crisis, and the medical facts point to the epidemic becoming much worse before it improves.
LIFE magazine had an article on AIDS in their July, 1985 issue which said: "AIDS is an epidemic that may change the way America lives."
Why has AIDS become such a problem? Are we supposed to be learning something from all this? Let's take an honest look at AIDS from a Christian viewpoint.
The AIDS epidemic is the result of sexual sin, homosexual and heterosexual. We cannot escape the fact that God has allowed certain afflictions to befall his creation throughout history. There are examples in the Bible in which God stepped into human affairs and said, "That's it! The party is over." (paraphrase mine). Sometimes we go too far, even for God, in believing we are infallible in anything we choose to do.
True honesty with ourselves will show us we are not infallible. We make mistakes and we need the person of Jesus Christ to heal our lives.
I made a terrible mistake four years ago. I decided to leave the Church and throw myself back into a gay lifestyle. I returned to school and got a nursing degree, and felt like I was really coming up in the world.
Just before I graduated from nursing school, AIDS started showing up in the hospitals. There was a lot of hysteria in the nursing profession. All we knew for sure was that many young people, mostly gay men, were dying gruesome deaths in the prime of their lives.
Two years after working as a nurse, I was diagnosed with AIDS. At first, it never occurred to me that God might be letting this happen to draw me near to Him.
After a seven-month battle with every aggressive disease process, I realized how much I missed Christ in my life. I asked God if He would take me back and got a resounding, "Yes". "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:6-7). This verse shows me even though I have AIDS, God still cares for me.
If you have AIDS or a pre-AIDS condition and are a stumbled Christian, God wants you back in the flock. He seeks us out diligently and we cannot escape His love.
Once we accept Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, we are dead to sin and alive only to the new life in Christ. There is nothing or no one that can really satisfy us, because we already know the Truth. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17). Ask God for guidance. I am convinced He loves His children with AIDS very dearly.
Spiritual healing is much more important than physical healing. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4:16).
We must be willing to allow God to have complete sovereignty in our lives. Sometimes the Lord requires us to wait on Him. And if that is the case, then all we can do is wait.
There will be nothing gained by asking Him why we have to wait. There is nothing in the Bible that tells us God has to explain anything to us. He has a sovereign right to ask us to wait because He is our God, and His thoughts are far above our thoughts.
When we are dealing with a life-threatening illness, one of the pitfalls of our enemy, Satan, is to try to convince us to look for a physical healing.
I do certainly believe it is God's will that some persons with AIDS who come back to Christ will experience physical healing. But I also know all of us will most assuredly know the inner spiritual healing only Christ can provide. It is vital we grasp this spiritual truth early in our walk with Him. There are so many situations in which God asks us to wait for His glory to be revealed. This does not mean we put our spiritual growth on hold-no way!
This is the time when our growth should be more part of our lives than ever. This is the point at which God will show us the courage He has created inside of us through the Holy Spirit. It is the time when our faith and our spirits are strengthened.
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you" (Psalm 32:8).
Remember, we can love Christ only through obedience to Him. "If you love Me, you will obey what I command" (John 14:15).
We worship a God who expects us to uphold a standard in our lives. He is a loving, merciful God and He will discipline His children. "My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in" (Prov. 3:11-12). Even with AIDS in our lives, God still wants to do wonderful things in us and through us. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones" (Proverbs 3:5-8).
God's promises and His perfect love for us are worth more than the world can ever offer. "All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God" (2 Corinthians 4:15).
Christ has risen; peace be with you.
Copyright (C) by Love In Action. Distributed by Love in Action, P.O. Box 753307, Memphis, TN 38175-3307; 901/542-0250.
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